Older Brother Syndrome

The Prodigal Wasn’t The Only Son

We’ve all heard the story of the prodigal son – the wayward child who squanders his inheritance, only to return home and be welcomed with open arms by his loving father. It’s a powerful parable about God’s unconditional love and forgiveness. But what if there’s more to this story than meets the eye?

Let’s take a closer look at the parable found in Luke 15, starting from verse 11. Jesus begins by saying, “There was a man who had two sons.” This simple opening line sets the stage for a tale that’s not just about one son, but two.

The younger son’s request for his inheritance was shocking and disrespectful in its cultural context. Essentially, he was telling his father, “I wish you were dead.” Yet, surprisingly, the father obliges. The son then leaves for a distant country, squandering his wealth on what the Bible describes as “wild living.”

When a famine strikes, the son finds himself in dire straits, longing to eat even the food given to pigs – a particularly degrading situation for a Jewish man. It’s at this rock-bottom moment that he “comes to his senses” and decides to return home, hoping to be accepted as a mere servant.

But the father’s reaction is unexpected and overwhelming. Seeing his son from afar, he runs to meet him – an undignified act for an elderly man in that culture. He embraces his son, restores his status with a robe, ring, and sandals, and throws a grand celebration. It’s a beautiful picture of God’s grace and forgiveness towards those who return to Him.

However, the story doesn’t end there. Remember, there are two sons in Jesus’ story.

The older son, returning from working in the fields, hears the sounds of celebration. Instead of joining in, he becomes angry and refuses to enter the house. When his father comes out to plead with him, the older son’s response reveals a heart full of bitterness and resentment.

“Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!”

His words drip with accusation and self-righteousness. He can’t even bring himself to call the younger man his brother, referring to him as “this son of yours.” He makes assumptions about his brother’s behavior, accusing him of cavorting with prostitutes – a detail not mentioned in the earlier part of the story.

The older brother’s attitude reveals a deep-seated problem that many long-time believers can fall into – what we might call “elder brother syndrome.” It’s the tendency to become judgmental, bitter, and resentful towards those we perceive as less deserving of God’s grace.

This syndrome often creeps in slowly. We serve faithfully for years, doing all the right things, and then we see someone who’s lived a “wild” life receive God’s forgiveness and blessing. Instead of rejoicing, we feel cheated. “Where’s my celebration?” we ask. “I’ve been faithful all this time!”

But the father’s response to the older son is crucial: “My son, you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.”

The father reminds the older son of his constant presence and the inheritance that has always been his. He gently corrects the son’s perspective, referring to the younger son as “this brother of yours” – a reminder of their familial bond.

Interestingly, Jesus leaves the parable open-ended. We don’t know if the older brother eventually joins the celebration or remains outside, nursing his grievances. This open ending invites us to reflect on our own hearts and attitudes.

Are we like the younger son, needing to return to the Father after wandering away? Or are we more like the older brother, faithful on the outside but harboring bitterness and resentment within?

The truth is, offense is inevitable in life, especially within the church community. People will disappoint us, hurt us, and sometimes even betray us. The question is not whether we’ll face opportunities for offense, but how we’ll respond to them.

Holding onto offense is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It only hurts us in the long run, leading to bitterness, anger, and isolation. We may find ourselves standing outside the Father’s house, refusing to join the celebration because we’re too focused on our perceived injustices.

As followers of Christ, we’re called to a life of radical forgiveness. This doesn’t mean excusing wrong behavior or pretending it didn’t happen. Rather, it means choosing to release our right to hold onto offense and trusting God to deal justly with the situation.

Forgiveness isn’t just about letting go; it’s about resetting the standard. It acknowledges that a wrong was done but chooses to align with God’s standard of grace and mercy. It’s a powerful act that frees us from the prison of bitterness and allows us to fully participate in the joy of God’s kingdom.

So, where do you find yourself in this story? Are you the wandering son, needing to come home to the Father’s embrace? Or are you the older brother, needing to let go of offense and join the celebration?

Whatever your situation, know that the Father’s love is constant and His grace is sufficient. He’s always ready to welcome us home, to heal our hurts, and to restore our joy. The question is, are we willing to let go of our grievances and enter into His celebration?

Let’s pray for eyes to see any offense or bitterness that may have taken root in our hearts. Let’s ask God for the strength to truly forgive, to release our right to be offended, and to embrace the freedom and joy that comes with living in His grace.

Remember, in God’s kingdom, there’s always room for redemption, always cause for celebration, and always an invitation to join the feast. Will you accept the invitation today?